Now without it being my goal this was very arousing and did spark an erection, but it was inspired by and sustained by a connection to my heart that permeated my entire practice that day and has shifted a patterns in how I touch and feel myself erotically. I lit up as my own body had my full attention and energy focused on it. I rose above myself, in a sense, and had a mystical experience of touching my own body with new hands. In a way I stepped out of myself in order to feel into myself. I noticed that there is a level of care that I offer in service to others that I have not been offering to myself. I felt a sense of calm and connection that was different than I could recall feeling within a self pleasure practice in the past. As I opened up my awareness beyond stimulating my genitals, I felt love for myself. So as I was laying my bed I opened my heart to connect with my body and focused on the sensations and feelings I could find. I notice that I have not offered the same depth of connection to myself, when exploring eros on my own, as I often do with a partner. What does that mean? I ponder for a moment and reflected on the way I interact with other bodies in an erotic way and how I feel when I’m connecting with them. I lay there with my soft cock in my hand and this realization came to me.
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I could feel myself trying to figure out how to ignite a spark of arousal in my genitals and was feeling stuck. I could feel the pressure I apply to myself in life with work and family responsibilities seeping through into my relationship to the erotic.
I lay in my bed one afternoon, setting aside 30 minutes for self pleasure, feeling soft everywhere.